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Thursday, 24 May 2018


I feel so gross.
I said that, well thought that, to myself this morning as I looked in the mirror after getting off the scale. I have been practicing that negative self talk for some time now.  I am by no means fat. I have a few extra pounds on me after having my son a year ago. I have been making healthier choices and working out but it’s not going away quickly. It’s discouraging and frustrating and at times, clearly, affects my self esteem.
The day didn’t get any better as I got dressed and didn’t like anything I tried on. I pouted before settling on an outfit and heading out the door, my son on my hip. I ran my errands, feeling sorry for myself but not showing it outwardly.

Then I hopped on Instagram and saw a picture of Kylie Jenner, posed for some magazine, looking like, well, a model. I thought, Ok, not fair, she had a baby like a few months ago right?! She already looks better then me. Then it hit me, why am I comparing myself to Kylie Jenner? Her body is her job, her livelihood, of course she looks better then me. She probably has private chefs and people smacking the pizza out of her hand at every turn. She has a personal trainer who gets her up to work out . AND she has everyone in the world watching her right now, of course she looks good.
Then I thought about my negative self image a little more. I wasn’t just comparing myself to Kylie, I was comparing myself (unnecessarily) to all the women around me. For what? Does it matter to my kids that mom has a little extra pounds on her? When I speak negatively about myself out loud, in front of my girls ( I know, wtf ) they always look confused. You’re not fat, my step daughter tells me and I know she means it because she is not one to mince words.  Do I really think my son cares? I’m mom to him, kinda chubby, kinda skinny, in all my forms, mom. They really don’t give a shit.
And let me tell you, my husband really doesn’t care either. He cares that I don’t feel good about myself, not that my jeans are a little tighter. He cares about the example I am setting for our girls. He cares if I put the toilet paper on wrong (for the record, I had no idea there was a wrong way to put the toilet paper on, but apparently, it’s a big deal.)
After coming to this realization I instantly starting being more kind to myself. I am stopping with the negative self talk. I am not comparing myself to others. I am giving myself a little grace. I grew, birthed, and breastfed a human this past year. I cared for 3 tiny humans in my home this year. All those tiny humans are thriving. I poured into my marriage and my husband and I are doing great. I am looking at all of the things I am doing well, instead of the one area I thought I was doing poorly.
This positive self talk is something I am making a conscious effort to do from now on. I am going to say one kind thing about myself when I wake up tomorrow, and every morning. For example: Hey Megan, you have really nice boobs, even after breastfeeding two kids. Or: Hey girl, your is naturally blond and you only have to spend $30 on a haircut when most women have to get a cut and color for $150.
But seriously, I am more then that number on the scale. I am not lesser of a woman, mother, wife if I have a little extra weight on me. I am still going to continue to make better choices and exercise. I want to be healthy, body and mind, all of them together.

Written by Megan Jaw
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